Today I returned from a much needed vacation. Time in the sun and at the beach always recharges my battery. Post vacation I typically feel reconnected and ready to embrace the challenges before me. This vacation was different. In so many ways.My husband and I had planned a trip to Bermuda for our anniversary – October 5th we would have celebrated 31 years married. We love the ocean. We love Bermuda. It has always been a place for us to celebrate and refresh/recharge.
I could have cancelled the trip but I knew that my anniversary was going to be one of the “firsts” since Mark died. I also knew that I needed to honor my husband, honor my marriage, and this was the last “anniversary trip” we planned together. I would never have another. It seemed right. One way or another I would need to address my wedding anniversary – the feelings, the sadness, and the heavy weight on my heart.
With grace and dignity, I went to Bermuda to celebrate my 31st wedding anniversary. I honored my husband and I honored my marriage. I spread some of his ashes at the ocean as he would have wanted and shared with the universe how blessed I was to have been his wife, his partner in all things, and his friend.
I was able to get to a place of acceptance that this is my new normal. This doesn’t mean I am not heartbroken – it is simple acceptance. I am also filled with gratitude – I had 30 years and 10 months of a wonderful loving marriage to my best friend. I know how unique this is and I am grateful for the life I had with Mark.
I left Bermuda rested, relaxed, and in a place of acceptance of what is and what is not. I am grateful for my life – what was and what is to be. I have a wonderful family that began on the foundation of a wonderful life with a wonderful man. I have an amazing career. I have a better perspective today on what matters.
I am stronger today and I honor that strength.