Six months. The longest 6 months of my life. This still seems unreal.
Every month is painstaking
I search for answers. I search for memories. I search for your face ….. your beautiful loving face.
I search for my heart …. for some happy moments.
I search for who I am or who I could possibly be without you.
I keep busy during the day at work. I carry a heavy load of grief that wears me down every night and every weekend. The children and the littles provide love and comfort. I am grateful for that but they too struggle.
You have left a depth of sadness we struggle to overcome. I know in my heart of hearts that you didn’t intend to do that to us. If you knew how devastated we would be – you never would have left in this way. Your pain won the battle and we live to fight the war. To be kind. To love the world and to love one another. To honor your name, to honor your life. You were the essence of our family, the essence of my life. I miss you…..and the me that I was with you <3